Even after years in leadership, I still feel it.
Every time I have to make a hard call, there’s a part of me that resists it.
Because at my core, I’m wired to be liked.
I treat people with respect. I try not to be overly aggressive. I believe people should be treated with humanity, not as resources to burn through.
For a long time, I thought that made me a weaker leader.
I got this wrong.
So in this article, I’m breaking down what’s the optimum way of leading people.
I’ve also built a free leadership assessment for Digital Asset and Finance CXOs.
The link is at the end of the article.
The Leadership Myth Nobody Questions
If you want to win, you have to be ruthless, this is what everyone says
We’ve glorified the aggressive CEO.
The one who doesn’t care what people think.
The one who fires fast, speaks bluntly, and calls it “high standards.”
Even people like Kevin O'Leary openly praise leaders like Steve Jobs for not being “nice.”
Whilst that style got results, that doesn’t mean that’s the only way to lead.
What Actually Makes a CEO Effective
A 10-year Harvard study of 17,000 executives found something interesting:
It’s not charisma.
It’s not confidence.
It’s not pedigree.
It’s:
decisiveness
and the ability to engage people and bring them with you
Aggressive CEOs can force results, they don’t build loyalty.
Leaders who stay true to their values do something different, they take people on a journey. That’s where you get real commitment, not just short-term output. And it’s a much better game to play.
Where “Nice” Goes Wrong
Being “just nice” can also is not the way to lead, and I have done this many times in my leadership journey.
For example, you see someone underperforming.
You wait.
You justify it.
You tell yourself you’re being empathetic(this is the worst).
Weeks turn into months.
The team notices.
Standards slip.
Resentment builds.
And suddenly your “kindness” has damaged everyone, including the person you were trying to protect.
The Other Extreme Is Just Lazy
Then you have the opposite leader.
They fire fast.
They don’t explain.
They don’t care how it lands.
That’s not strength.
That’s emotional laziness.
Anyone can be aggressive.
It takes zero intelligence to bulldoze people.
The Real Skill: Holding Two Opposites
The best leaders do something harder:
They combine:
empathy and decisiveness
care and standards
humanity and accountability
That’s what most people can’t do.
That’s why it’s rare.
What “Quiet Power” Actually Looks Like
A strong leader doesn’t avoid hard decisions.
They prepare for them.
They:
use data, not emotion
communicate clearly
deliver tough messages with respect
and act without hesitation when needed
The Leaders People Actually Want to Follow
I recently sat down with James Harris, CEO of Tesseract as a part of our new leadership podcast series.
What stood out wasn’t aggression.
It was clarity, calmness, and values.
The kind of leader people choose to follow - not tolerate.
That’s the difference.
🎥 Watch the full conversation with James Harris:
Final Thought
Nice isn’t weak.
Naive is weak.
Avoiding hard decisions is weak.
Delaying action because you want to be liked is weak.
But being someone who:
makes tough calls
stands by them
and still treats people with respect
That’s not just strong that’s hard.
P.s: 👉 What kind of leader are you?
I’ve created a tailored assessment for leaders in Digital Assets and Capital Markets.
Take the assessment: https://spsassestment.spearpointsearch.com/
Keep me posted what on your results.
See you next Friday - Sam
